


Everything Is Grey

by Eunmih



Series: Midnight Drabbles [1]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Colors, Drabble, M/M, Sad and Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-05-07 19:49:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19216321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eunmih/pseuds/Eunmih
Summary: In a universe where meeting your soulmate allows you to finally see the world in color, Kihyun shockingly finds his world slowly fading back to black and white as he and his soulmate begin drifting apart.





	Everything Is Grey

**Author's Note:**

> Things happen when I'm bored, it seems. That being said, I dedicate this to every single one of my mutuals and those of you who take time to leave love and encouragements in all the things I write.
> 
> It's definitely not the best thing you'll ever read, considering how little time I spent on it. But even so, there are feelings in this thing. Feeeeeelings. From me to you. Hope you enjoy!!!

It was the blue of the sky, the blue of glacier meltwater, pale with an iridescence not easily forgotten. It was the green that shaded the forest canopy, the patches of grass in the ocean of hills. It was the red of the poppy meadow that seemed to reflect the sunset above, the reds and oranges spilled across the darkening sky like blotted vivid inks. It was the black of the night where Kihyun could sense himself as a being in love, someone whose soul is a beacon to someone seeking safe harbour. It was the yellow of the light he cast, the yellow of every newborn petal, of the colour that loves the sun so much it radiates its warmth even in the dawn. It was a white so brilliant it would make new snow look grey, the kind of white that leaves someone blind.

Colour. That’s what falling in love means, in a world where finding the one means to stop seeing grey. Colour. Kihyun remembers, blinking and seeing them spread, beautifully real, so much he could barely process it. All around a boy he came to love so dearly. All around a boy who made Kihyun realize that he’d spent seventeen years of his life not knowing what living felt like.

Saying, “I love you” felt ecstatic. Hearing, “I love you” back gave him whiplash. The name ‘Changkyun’ went from meaning nothing to harbouring all the colours of the rainbow. It was happy, despite the sadness. It was smiley, despite the tears. It was warm, despite the cold winters. Too hot during the summers. It was passionate, it was fun. Sometimes, so passionate they’d argue, only to make up two seconds later.

Kihyun has never been able to hold grudges, to stay angry. And Changkyun has always liked to accept the way things are. And things were perfect with all their imperfections coming together. To the point it made Kihyun believe he’d never have to live without them again.

 _“We’re soulmates,”_ Changkyun said once, a little smile on his face, eyes on the ceiling, chest heaving heavy.

 _“Because of the colours?”_ Kihyun asked, turning his head to blink at him.

Changkyun didn’t answer. He simply laughed softly in that way that made colour spark ever so vividly in the darkness of the bedroom. In that way that made Kihyun smile a little, too, before giggling and turning on his side.

 _“I love you,”_ Kihyun said, bumping his forehead against Changkyun’s shoulder.

_“I love you more.”_

Funny, how Kihyun would only come to understand what that meant a few years later.

Walking in the grey of life took time. Walking in the colour made time speed up. Because days turned to months. Because months turned to years. Because now, slowly, the colours are starting to fade.

The blue behind Changkyun dism to white. The dark green of his jacket turns to black. The red around his lips dims to pink and then nothing. Every highlight of yellow turns to white. And, slowly, the world goes back to grey.

Kihyun ignores it at first. Then, he cries because of course he would. It’s not an uggly type of crying. It’s a silent, panicked crying. Because the colours are fading. Because… because _what does it mean?_

The grey flows in, spreads from the boy Kihyun was supposed to love forever and stretches to all corners of the world. Grey like the serenity that flows from Changkyun’s lips now, lips Kihyun knows to be beautifully red. Grey like the ashes. Grey like everything else seems to be.

 _Everything is grey._ His hair, his eyes, his cheeks, his clothes, his dreams. And he’s so devoid of colour it barely feels like what it was.

Kihyun can’t help the sad faces. He can’t help the sad smiles. And he knows Changkyun notices them all, the little things. How Kihyun avoids looking at him. How Kihyun avoids touching him. How Kihyun frowns and bristles in annoyance because… because it hurts.

Because this was supposed to be everything. And now it’s turning into nothing.

“Do you not love me anymore?” Changkyun asks, one day, under the shade of a willow. It’s summer and he’s wearing his favourite shirt. It’s a black shirt with a grey seashell on it. Kihyun remembers how that shirt in particular never changed colour, not even when the world was filled with it.

Kihyun blinks up. “What…?”

“You heard me.”

He did. He heard him.  _'Do you love me?'_

“I do…” _At least I feel like I do but…_ But it hurts. Because it seems it’s not meant to be.

Changkyun looks up at Kihyun and smiles sad. “Then… Why are you making that face?”

Kihyun frowns. “What? What face?”

“Lately… You make a lot of faces. But they’re either distant or sad. Sometimes it looks like you’re angry at me and… I don’t know. Did I do something wrong?”

Kihyun’s eyes burn a little so he blinks and looks down before looking up and around.

A park. They come here all the time. Except a year ago, this place was filled with green and blue. Everything was beautiful. And now… Now everything is grey. Just more of the same.

“Kihyun--”

“I’m scared,” Kihyun breathes out, glances at Changkyun and smiles small. “I’m scared…”

Changkyun frowns and sits straighter, turning to face Kihyun. “Scared? Why?”

“Because…”

Without a warning, they spill from Kihyun’s eyes like an overflowing sink. He barely has time to bring a hand up as he tries to stop them from falling. Tears. Of course there would be tears.

“Because… everything is grey again…”

And this… this isn’t love, is it? All this lack of colour. All this lack of--

“Do you not love me anymore?” Changkyun asks again, voice far too calm for the panic and the sadness Kihyun feels inside.

“Why do you keep asking me that question?!”

“Because that’s all that matters.”

Kihyun looks up, tears stopping for a moment. He blinks, still sees grey, and keeps blinking.

It’s warm when Changkyun touches Kihyun’s hand and brings it down between his own. It’s warm when Changkyun smiles small but his eyes smile, too. It's warm when he leans forward to press his lips against Kihyun’s forehead. And the warmth lingers even when Changkyun leans back.

“Love is the sky and the clouds,” Changkyun says. “The gentle river and the birds that sing. The air, the light, the laughter and hope. Love is entering a house and finally realizing you’re home. Or when you smile at me and I feel safe. When our eyes lock and I see galaxies instead of just pupils. Love is… having you in my life. Feeling like everything is possible, like I can conquer anything as long as I have you watching me and cheering for me.”

Kihyun’s eyes flood again. “But… But the colours--”

“I don’t know,” Changkyun shrugs, leans over to kiss at Kihyun’s cheek. “I’ve never seen them before.”

_What…?_

Kihyun leans back, eyes wide. “What do you mean…?”

“Exactly what you heard,” Changkyun mumbles. He looks down at Kihyun’s hand. “The world didn’t fill with colour when I saw you for the first time, nor when I realized I was falling for you. It certainly didn’t when you confessed. Nor later when we…” He sighs and glances up. “Made me wonder if you loved me because the colours told you to or… If you loved me because you simply did… Still--” Changkyun laughs softly. “Seemed like a waste not to be with you. Because… I do love you. And I’d take anything over nothing, because you make me feel good, make me want to be better.”

Kihyun’s instinct tells him to pull away, so he does. He does and Changkyun lets him. Because of course he would. And yet, he still asks;

“Do you not love me anymore? Now that the colours are gone…”

 _I do,_ Kihyun wants to say. Instead, he asks; “But--But you said we were… I thought you! Why? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Changkyun’s expression changes and he looks sad. “Because I was afraid you’d leave if I told you I couldn’t see them, too.” He looks down. “And we _are_ soulmates. Because… it doesn’t matter if we can see them or not. Because I still fell in love with you despite having no colour to fill my world. I don’t need to see colours if I have you. Because you never made me feel like I need them.”

There has to be a specific love for the one close to the pumping heart. There has to be a word for a special someone lingering in the back of someone’s mind. Someone who will inevitably crash into someone’s life and _stay._ Stay in the way the sun lingers and goes with the promise of coming back. In the way it sometimes brings rain with it. In the way it gives life and cherishes with warmth.

The truth is, Kihyun never had to try to love Changkyun. It simply happened. He was walking the grey path of life and tripped into love. And whether it was because the world flourished with colour or not, the truth is it remains even now when everything is grey.

“Do you not love me anymore?” Changkyun asks, and it sounds like the last time.

“I do,” Kihyun breathes out. Because he still feels it, even if he can’t see it.

Changkyun’s expression changes and his cheeks dimple when he leans in, forehead bumping against Kihyun’s. “I love you, too," he says. And it's the first time he doesn't say 'I love you more'.

It was the blue of the sky, the blue of glacier meltwater, pale with an iridescence not easily forgotten. It was the green that shaded the forest canopy, the patches of grass in the ocean of hills. It was the red of the poppy meadow that seemed to reflect the sunset above, the reds and oranges spilled across the darkening sky like blotted vivid inks. It was the black of the night where Kihyun could sense himself as a being in love, someone whose soul is a beacon to someone seeking safe harbour. It was the yellow of the light he cast, the yellow of every newborn petal, of the colour that loves the sun so much it radiates its warmth even in the dawn. It was a white so brilliant it would make new snow look grey, the kind of white that leaves someone blind.

And now it’s the colour of love.

Grey. Love. It can be all the colours or simply none. It can have all the names or simply none. And they’re soulmates. They’re soulmates, right? Not because they see colour, or saw colour once, but because they love despite.

Kihyun presses his lips against Changkyun’s and it’s warm and soft. Like it’s always been. And, for a moment, when he leans back, he blinks and sees red. The red on Changkyun’s lips. The red on his cheeks. It makes Kihyun smile. Because he doesn’t need to see it all the time as long as he _feels_ it there, with him, with them.

“Nice,” Changkyun says, narrows his eyes playfully and smiles. “Wanna go home? I’m still craving popcorn with--”

“For the last time, I’m not mixing _cheese_ with popcorn,” Kihyun scoffs, sniffles and reaches up to clean at his face. He feels… light, suddenly. Of course he does.

“Why nooooooooot? Cheese is good with everything.”

“Not with popcorn!”

“Shut up, mint choco lover.”

“It’s _tasty.”_

“Toothpaste ice cream.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes and makes to get up. It’s disorienting, how sometimes the world seems ripped with colour at the edges and then it’s gone. But he frowns, playfully, and says, “You’re lucky I just happen to adore you.”

Changkyun giggles and when he does, despite how everything is still so very grey, Kihyun feels them inside his chest; colours.

Everything is grey.

_But you are not._

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this prompt [here](https://twitter.com/PromptsMonstax/status/1139493057529810944).


End file.
